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Oh babe…why do we always do this? Right before a vacation, a holiday, a date night…we always bug each other SO much and end up biting each others heads off over who knows what. Well here we are and its Valentines Day, and we spent half the night saying mean things, raising our voices, and holding a grudge. I know we love each other, but it would be nice if we liked each other too.
Last night was not my finest moment. Most of it was my fault. Pretty much I was a jerk. I’m sorry. So here is maybe what I should have said, instead of what I did…
I love you so much. You are everything to me. Everything good I have in my life or ever hope to have I know happens because of you. You are more than I could have ever dreamed of, and definitely more than I deserve. My life began with you. Before you, I had this perfect vision of what I wanted my life to be. But the chances of that dream ever becoming a reality seemed so far away. And then there you were, and you made it all come true. You have stood by me and supported me every step of the way, and I know without a doubt I could not have done it without you. You might think I don’t know you are a “big deal” but to me you are the “biggest deal” and I am so lucky to be the one you choose to love forever. No one could have done it better…
So can we be friends again??? If you say yes…I might give you one of these when you get home
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Harsh reality, or maybe really not that hard to accept…sometimes I am a completely crappy parent! I know mothers who are all stars all of the time, whose brains are programmed for mommy greatnesss. I am not one of those moms. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything, but being mommy is lots of work for me. Toddler crafts, games out of beans, 101 sight word activities are not things that just coming flowing out of me. Business plans, marketing concepts, and things related to working are the thoughts that come so easily to me. Working comes easy to me…easy peasy. But all star mommy is what I want to be. So I work at it. I do my best, I research, I plan, and I try to do all I can.
But unfortunately, there are nights (like tonight) where I pretty fall flat on my face. So let me just preface by saying, I don’t feel very good. I didn’t suck at parenting tonight to watch Grey’s Anatomy, I have been sitting here for the past few days feeling yucky and trying to balance my desire to lay in bed and my need to get things done. But tonight, I got home and pretty much just crashed. But of course, the kids energy level and needs don’t give a rip about my not feeling so hot. So we had to improvise…
First off we started with a bath. Baby Brother really needed one, so I forced the two of them into the tub. And to try and make it a “special prize” I let them get into mommy’s big tub. I gave them a bunch of toys, a drink and a string cheese (yes, in the tub they were drinking milk and eating string cheese), gave them the appropriate threat of getting water all over and went and sat down for a minute. That lasted for about 87 seconds. Then they were fighting over who got which washcloth, why he had more cups than me, and so on. So every few minutes I would give them a new toy. Each new toy bought me 3 minutes. After 12 minutes they were so over it. I needed a genius move, and then it occurred to me. When we are at Grandma’s they will sit in the tub forever, literally hours, but Grandma has something we don’t have…a TV in the tub. Shoot! Then the “aha!” moment hit…we might not have a TV, but we have a laptop, so I set it up and put on a little Kung Fu Panda and bought myself a whopping 45 minutes of them sitting in the tub, being friends, and being quiet.
But then Baby Brother got bored so I whisked him off to bed, Jman got himself dressed, and then I was back at square one. How do I keep the guy busy…and quiet! Well while I was trying to distract him into reading and doing word games or something educational he sneaked into the other room, got himself a chair, another drink, and dinner (cheese-its and fruit snacks) and spent the next hour and a half sitting in the bathroom watching some Scooby Doo.
So there you go…sometimes as a mom I am not so great. I let my kid sit in our bathroom, watch too much TV, and eat junk for dinner. It wasn’t my finest hour, I will do better tomorrow…
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He is so cute (and clean) so I wanted to catch a cute face of him…it only took seven tries. You would think, given my professional skill with the kiddos, that I could get my own kids to be photogenic. Still working on that…
Love my baby. And yes, he is still a baby, even though he has a big boy haircut, he is a baby. And if you try to convince me of anything different I might poke your eye out. I haven’t babied him enough yet, so he is going to stay a baby until I say so.
And as I sit here relishing in the quite of them finally going to bed, I look at these two boys and can’t get over how lucky I am to have them. I think there are some mothers who become perfect to match the needs of their kids. But in some weird way, I think I was blessed with kids who were made perfectly to match the skills of their mother. Jackson is a better brother than anyone I know. He is so patient and kind and helpful. He has such a strong desire to be a good brother and a good helper, and I can’t even explain how grateful I am that he is the oldest. And then there is Baby Brother. He is a funny little thing. And so full of goofy happiness. Being “happy” is something I generally have to strive to be, but just like his daddy this little guy is always happy. I love how that is rubbing off on me. I know without a doubt that Baby Brother was my “wake up” call. This is going to sound terrible but Jman is a kid who is easy to let do his own thing. He is super independent and likes to do stuff alone (like me). He doesn’t need a lot of help doing things and likes to be in charge (like me). And he loves his “me” time (like me). But Baby Brother is the complete opposite. He never wants to do anything alone, he is so busy and gets in so much trouble he needs lots of attention. And he is very demanding about having my attention. Baby Brother woke me up to motherhood. He is like a giant walking billboard each day that I can’t be a “cruise-control” mommy. I have to be in this, and active, and around. And I will forever be grateful for that blessing in him. In more ways than one, this little guy “made” me be a part of my own life. They truly are the perfect little people for this mommy.
So the bottom line is…I kind of suck at family/personal blogging.
But I am definitely optimistic about this, I know that I can do it! And it is super important to me, so here we go again. This year I want to make my personal life as big a part of me as my business life is, and part of that is documenting what is going on in our lives.
Even though in the past it might have been a tiny sliver of my life, there is actually a personal life out there for this girl. So I am totally committing myself to this blog. To documenting things about my boys that I don’t want to forget, but also moments in my own personal being. I think sometimes the moment you become a mother, that is all you become. And your every waking moment, word, and thought is somehow consumed by these little amazing people. But occasionally there is more to me than just being a mother, and I want to make this a place where I can recall those thoughts, those moments, and the ways I am growing as a person. With this past year being everything it has been, I have grown so much, and there is so much about the journey we have been on that I want to remember. And this seems like a great place to document all of that.
So welcome, hope you enjoy the journey along with me…
But in true fashion of a mother, first off let’s start with some bragging. This is my cute family…oh how I love them. And these photos I think are like a glimpse right into us. Nothing posed, nothing set up, just us being together, loving those few and far between moments. Soaking up every minute we have together. This year I hope to be able to change things enough that those moments are more than I can document. I hope to have more joyous moments, more fun together, and more memories made than this blog can handle.
Well the big day came for our Baby Brother. The first haircut. It seems so strange to me how quickly this day came for him. Jman was almost a year older before he needed one. It gives me some hope that possibly this chubby little boy will be blessed with my hair, rather than the receding hairline of his daddy. I have amazing hair. Its thick, its curly, when I actually do it, it can be really pretty. I think I will have my feelings hurt a little bit if one of our little ones doesn’t have good hair.
So we made our way to my friends shop, and we had Jman get his hair cut first. He was a champ. Secretly, I am pretty sure he has a crush on my friend McCall so he will do pretty much anything she says. But we wanted the baby to get a glimpse of what was coming…he was so unsure…and oh man was it good thing that Daddy was able to come over for the big event. Because there is no way he would have sat on that chair for long enough for me to catch a few shots…and then you would not be able to have a good chuckle at this…
{and yes I am a baby mind reader, so I will tell you exactly what he is thinking with each frame}
You want to do what?
Just a glimpse of the “bullet” {that means baby mullet}
Seriously people, I don’t know if this is a good idea.
Yep! I was right…
Okay, seriously, I mean it.
Get this thing away from!
NOW! NOW! NOW!
After all I have done to make you happy, and this is how you treat me.
I love you baby boy. You are so handsome! It makes me so happy that you look so much like your daddy.
Some homes try to hide the fact that children shelter there,
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere.
For smears are on the windows, little smudges on the door.
I should apologize, I guess, for the toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with my children, we played, and laughed, and read.
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine, their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I’m forced to choose, the one job or the other,
I’d like to cook, and clean, and scrub,
but I’m too busy being a mother.
I was sitting in the midst of our daily the mess and was about to lose my mind, but as I sat and looked at all the “things” and messes everywhere, it occurred to me that all the things that were driving me crazy, where little signs of all the things I love. And as much as I wished my house was sparkly clean every moment of the day, I want to stop time, slow the clock, and savor the moments of my little guys. Because sooner than I would like, all the messes will be gone, and the little things lying about everywhere won’t be here. So I thought I would cherish the moment and look around at the little signs that make me so happy to be a mother.
I posted this little note over the doorbell the week that Baby Brother was born. It has now stayed up there a year. I love to think of him all sweet and snuggly in his bed when he was teeny tiny. If you ever see him you probably think, “was he ever teeny tiny?” But I don’t know when I will ever take it down…
We are Toy Story central around here, and we have just about every Buzz Lightyear and Woody toy imaginable. But I love to see them. When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with Barbies. And it kind of makes me happy to see something that Jman loves so much. He plays with them everyday. And I know these will be things that will be special to him tomorrow.
This is one of Daddy’s biggest pet peeves, but one of my favorite things. We have 14 throw pillows on our bed, yep, fourteen! And for those of you who know me you probably think this is ridiculous given the fact that I make my bed probably about 10 times a year. I should put the pillows away. But Jman and Baby Brother love to jump and play on them. They can do it for hours. So even though they are always strung around the room, its okay with me. Because the little sounds of laughter that come along with the mess is fine by me.
Some people keep their under-roos in their dressers, we keep ours in the step stool in the bathroom. This was an executive decision on the Jman’s part. And it always makes me giggle because even though we always put them in their rightful place, they always make their way back into here.
Every morning the Jman and I brush our teeth together. And usually Baby Brother is at our feet trying to turn on the tub, splash in the toilet, or get into some other sort of trouble. I am not looking forward to the days of lonely teeth brushing and uninterrupted getting ready.
More Toy Story…I find this little cup everywhere.
How can we have a shower with out some toys…you never know when you need to play some basketball while you shower. One of my favorite things about Jman is that we will put him in the shower and he will play in there forever. Like hours, and sing and play ball and do all sorts of fun stuff. He cracks me up…
We had to find a new home for soap because the animals needed a cave.
Cheerios…oh the cheerios. No matter how many I pick up I still find these everywhere in the most random places. I will miss the picking up after this little baby mess maker.
Pretty soon our baby food days will be gone. Baby Brother is almost grown out of the baby food. We better have another baby to enjoy all the funny faces that come with experiencing new tastes for the first time…
No matter how many times we designate a spot for shoes, I find them everywhere. Pretty sure he gets that from me…I leave mine all over the place too. I will miss the pitter patter of little feet.
Artwork, magnets, and whatever else makes it way to the fridge…it only lasts so long. So I won’t complain about all the finger prints that come along with it.
A tiny backpack a little jacket. He is still only in preschool but so soon he will be off to big boy school, then college…I hate that. Can’t they stay little forever?
The finger prints, the food, its always somewhere. No matter how much we scrub and clean, there is always a new mess to be made and cleaned up. But I need to enjoy the moment, and the lunches spent talking about school and games and whatever else they come up with.
One of my favorite things…the random placement of objects, they get this from their Daddy. I think these crackers were supposed to be picked up so Baby Brother couldn’t reach them. So why not put them in the boots. Works for me…I will miss all the little surprises that I find all over the place, just a little sign, a little mark, made by my sweet boys.
Oh how I love being their mother…
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Amanda A. - Awwwwwwwwww!